So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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