how can u be prego again
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
