Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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