and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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