is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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