I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
