Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
