good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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