mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
