I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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