i already hear my dad disowning me
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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