i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
