You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
