he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
