best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
