I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
