and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
