Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
