yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
