Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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