By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
