I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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