I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
