There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
