Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
