made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize