How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
