I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
