I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
