girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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