Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
