legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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