My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
