Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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