I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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