i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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