6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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