Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
