I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
it's like heaven, but drunker
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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