Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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