Those balls look pretty dangerous.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
