Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
