please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
