I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
