I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
