Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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