his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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