omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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