The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
