I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
