ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
