let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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