When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
