Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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