it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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