She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
