I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
