Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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