my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
