I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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