Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
