you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
