just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
