Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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