Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
