i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
